One imagines Barack Obama showing up in town wondering what all the fuss is about.

We want you to be our president, someone tells him.

Me? Little old me? Really? Aw, you guys. OK. Since you've gone to all this trouble.

It shall be much more magisterial than that, I expect. Nothing like 200,000 Germans shouting his name, but Invesco Field is not Berlin's Tiergarten. Sorry, sir, it's the best we could do.

What was it I was assured? "There will be some surprises on Thursday night that will bring America together for change." That was from a helpful DNC staffer who gave me a preview of what to expect.

I now know, but does Obama?

Since Obama has been away from all the doings at the Pepsi Center, enjoying his arugula with goat cheese over penne pasta, he may not be completely aware of all the promises made in his name. So before he accepts the nomination of the Democratic Party, maybe he should take a look at the list.

There at the top is the promise from his vice-presidential seatmate, riding shotgun into tomorrow, the man who will deliver to him all of Delaware's three electoral votes, Joseph Biden.

Biden has assured all that Obama will "not only transform America but transform the world."

This is right in Obama's wheelhouse. He is, after all, a citizen of the world. Ich bin ein burger der welt, not to be confused with ein burger and fries.

A little caution is advised here. Transforming the world is not all it's cracked up to be. The present president has done much transforming, and the Democrats have spent much of this week promising to transform it back.

That's what all that talk of change has been about. Change. Change. Change. Please, we get it.

Hillary Clinton assures us that Obama will revitalize our economy, defend the working people, meet the global challenges of our time, end the war in Iraq and bring the troops home.

Well, that should take up a whole Monday, maybe half of Tuesday for so able a man as Obama, leaving him the afternoon to, as Brian Schweitzer, governor of Montana, promised, break our addiction to foreign oil.

On Wednesday then, as Massachusetts Gov. Deval Patrick pledges, Obama can fix all the flaws in the education system.

Maybe that will take most of the day, but there's still time after a nice dinner of arugula and veal chops to get around to making good on keynote speaker Mark Warner's vow that Obama will defeat terrorism and restore America's leadership.

Thursday will be a full day, starting in the morning with satisfying Robert Casey Jr.'s promise to bring us together, followed by providing small-business incentives per New York congresswoman Nydia Velázquez.

And then, just before a lunch of arugula and shrimp salad, Obama can create 5 million green-collar jobs and build new energy technologies, just not to disappoint our own Federico Peña.

Kansas Gov. Kathleen Sebelius is confident that Obama can fit in a few hours to "save the dream of homeownership for families who've lost their homes or fear they can never afford one," adding that this is unlike John McCain, who can't keep track of them all.

Obama will have his own house by then, a big white Georgian mansion, on a short-term lease, four years, maybe eight.

It can't take long to fulfill energy wonk Nancy Floyd's assurance that Obama will not only stop global warming but cut taxes for families who buy fuel-efficient cars, built in America, of course.

He could do this over a late snack of arugula and cheese, maybe a nice crottin de Chavignol or some Manchego.

Friday should probably be reserved for looking into the soul of Vladimir Putin or figuring out what to do about all those Chinese, because Fairbanks, Alaska, Mayor Jim Whitaker has seen a steely resolve in Obama, so it shouldn't take more than half a day.

And then, as Missouri Sen. Claire McCaskill knows, Obama can rein in spending, root out waste and get America out of the economic ditch it's been driven into. Obama can be forgiven if he calls a tow truck.

This leaves Saturday, a day for a little variety. Off the arugula and on to some radicchio or maybe frisée. He can eat while standing, as Illinois Rep. Rahm Emanuel has seen him do, standing up to the special interests and for hard-working middle-class families.

And on Sunday, Obama can rest. With some nice arugula and tilapia with a pecan topping.

Back to Top