The road to court is paved with good intentions. I recently received a news release from an author we'll call Dr. X. To market his new weight-loss scheme, Dr. X urges companies to get involved in their employees' fitness, promising improved staff morale and loyalty, and reduced health insurance costs.

The twofer appeal makes sense, but Dr. X makes some scary recommendations. Among them:

• "Tell employees that it's difficult to provide higher wages and better benefits when so much of the company's money is going to support illnesses that could be prevented . . . look them in the eye and tell the truth - and if you express concern for their well-being (rather than focusing solely on the money), they may even be touched and appreciative."

• "Set up friendly competitions between departments; the team that collectively loses the most weight gets rewarded."

• "Foster and encourage exercise groups. (Employees) are much more likely to sustain an exercise program if they have company."

For an objective evaluation of these helpful hints, I consulted my buddy Barbara, an HR wizard who, coincidentally, has lost a boatload of weight over the past year. She's a fitness advocate and in a perfect position to judge Dr. X's employer prescription.

"I think he's a spy for personal injury lawyers," Barbara said. "Either that, or he's never worked in an office. This guy is a menace.

"First of all, I don't want anybody but my very best friend looking me in the eye and telling me to lose weight. Especially not my boss. Especially after he tells me I'm costing him money. Trying to soften it by getting warm and fuzzy is only going to look insincere. 'Touched and appreciative?' The guy is dreaming."

What about interdepartmental competition?

"That'll be a load of fun," Barbara said, rolling her eyes. "What do you do about departments with different numbers of people? What about the department that's all thin people? They'll gripe that the fatter groups have a better chance of being rewarded. Then somebody in accounting will get into the spirit and start setting up charts and spreadsheets to even out the odds, and everybody involved will complain about being on the wrong team. Before you know it, war will break out between the fatties and the skinnies, some of them will be talking to lawyers about discrimination and hostile work environment, and productivity will be in the dumper."

Barbara was on a roll. "Exercise classes at the office sound like a great idea, but think about it. If you're overweight and out of shape, how excited will you be about grunting and sweating in front of your colleagues?

"Don't get me wrong, employers should do all they can to help people get healthy. Give 'em a reasonable workload so they have time to take care of themselves. Offer gym memberships if you can afford it. Stop celebrating every accomplishment with doughnuts or pizza. But for heaven's sake, if your employees are getting the job done, keep your nose out of their personal lives!"

Erica Heath is a 20-year veteran of the corporate wars. Her e-mail address is ericaheath@aol.com.